Is That a Thought-Essay of Sorts?
Artistry. And pretty pages.
I can’t read because I keep writing, god damnit! — a marvelous curse for a writer and a pain in the ass for a reader, I’ll tell you.
I’ve been getting this weird punch of comfort every now and then. I just feel so relaxed and peaceful sometimes — it’s a nice feeling to have — I think my ability to be at peace drastically increased ever since I started actually saying what I feel (? genius conclusion).
What I mean is that once you get over yourself and empty the damn pile of ~the unsaid~ things just get a lot easier. Sure, it loses all dramatic value, but it gets you good sleep and… less guilt. Overall.
I used to loove (!) having secrets. Ooo nobody knows this about me, no one has a clue! Walking around keeping tabs on all the things nobody knew cause I had decided nobody would know. As I’ve grown up I’ve come to two conclusions, or thoughts or something similar, that I’ve just now figured out:
first- nobody will care to find out (stop being paranoid, you’ll forget all the passwords);
second- it just makes you so much lighter, not knowing what people know and don’t know about you anyways. Cause you were going to lose track regardless.
Plus, the joy of playing truth or dare with no idea what you’ve even supposed to be hiding, makes you pretty reckless.
May make you a boring main character, but that won’t stop me from writing, now will it? — I should go to a caf(é?) and write about people, one day. For some reason I think I’d draw more than anything, but still.
Sometimes I wanna sell my art but it bugs me to monetize what I do for relaxation, cause I suspect it’d stop meaning ~unwind time~ and I don’t want to do that. In any case, I could give it a try. I always wanna try too many things at once, I should stop being so hard on myself. Tomorrow I think Imma watch the sunrise. Haven’t done that in ages, it’ll be a fun one.
I feel pretty full. Of life and all.
I feel like I’m living. Imperfectly. But it’s still a nice feeling. Things have become nicer for me ever since I got used to the words “I feel”
I wasn’t planning to share this, but oh well, cozy night logs are my favourite :)
